I know the end is very soon.  I know who I want, and it doesn't seem like it is going to happen.  I only hurt those in my life, and that is the last thing that I wanted to do.  I have spent so many days/nights crying...there should be no more tears, but still they come.  I cause tears.  It is tearing me up because I am hurting someone that doesn't deserve to be hurt, and I just can't keep doing this.  I've been working on putting things in order.  I just have to get through this month - I have many things I need to make sure get done for others.  That is my biggest problem.  I make sure I finish doing things for others.  When was I going to do things for me?  I know...I know the day....I know the way.  It is so weird to me, that I feel at peace when I think what is going to happen.  I know some may hurt when I'm gone, but this way, they won't hurt if I stay around.  I have a way of hurting those close to me.  I am SOO good at it.  Wow, something to be proud of.  I look sad - people tell me that.  Smiles don't come.  I was told I do smile, but it disappears just as quick as it came.  People say you're selfish for ending your life.  I don't agree.  I know those around me will be better off when I'm gone.  This isn't going well, I can't put into words what I want to say.  I can't put into words how I feel.  I just know I can't do this anymore.